On-line Dating Tips or How to Beautify a Grocery Store.

On-line Dating Tips- How to Beautify a Grocery Store

This is a first draft excerpt from a book I’m writing in my spare time. It’s a compilation of chapters on a totally unrelated range of subjects.

And it's the truth... mostly.

(Starting at, “... listing your intent...)

When required to list your "Intent", do NOT select, "I want a relationship" !!

How many times in your life have you ever fallen in love when that was your objective?

Since you started "on-line dating", how many successful relationships have, "I want a relationship" gotten you?  

In the “real world”, suppose a "hot" guy you've never met, walked up and introduced himself...

Would you say, "Hi there handsome! Before I have the opportunity to tell you my name, much less anything about me, I want you to know that I'm looking for a long term relationship.”?

Of course not... are you crazy? You don’t want to spook the guy before you have the chance to charm him into hormonal stupidity, when you can tell him anything you want.  

You gotta' let on like a relationship is the last thing on your mind.

Even if "Mr. McDreambutt" asks if you want a relationship, your FIRST answer is, "Are you crazy? A relationship is the last thing on my mind!"

Practice saying this with a wild-eyed, incredulous look on your face while you're putting on your make-up for your shopping trip. (Shopping trip?)

And make sure you edit your, "Intent" field to one of the "Dating" options.

Take your pick...

Option A, "I want to date but nothing serious", is code for, "nobody gets naked"

Option 'B", "I'm looking for casual dating/no commitment" leaves the possibility open for debate.

Now let's go find you a relationship, girl!!

The Grocery Store:

First, splurge on a fresh manicure and pedicure.

Now shimmy yourself into a pair of jeans that flatter your figure, wear a top that's tastefully revealing, and then slip into some classy sandals with at least 2 1/2 inch heels.

High heels jack up your rear-end like a 70's muscle car... guys dig both of these items.

Oh, don't forget to dab on a little of your most seductive scent... but go easy! A scent should linger at your departure, but not shout-out your arrival.

You're headed to the place that's brings more potential couples together than all the dating sites combined...the grocery store.

Look for a rich target, (oops, Freudian slip!)...I meant to say "target rich" environment … around Charlotte that’s the Tajma-Teeter… corner of Morrison Blvd and Sharon Rd, at Southpark.

A grocery store has everything a guy wants in one place, food, alcohol, and women. It's the perfect venue for a hook-up... packed with single men that don't have a clue............. of how to flirt in a grocery store.

“Can I buy you a drink?”, or “Would you like to dance?”, have a low success rate in the Harris Teeter.

So instead, they'll ask you serious stupid questions like, "Do I have to put fabric strips in the dryer, or can I thrown them in with the wash?"

Or humorous stupid questions like, "Why do they call it the produce section when there's nothing here but fruits and vegetables?"

If there’s an attraction, quickly decide if the dope's question is serious or humorous.

If serious, answer with the straightest face you can muster… don’t try too hard, or you’ll appear to have gas.

If you’re SURE it’s a joke, then laugh. But don’t titter… it will annoy your audience.

Imagine how it'll make you feel having men asking YOU directions for a change!

One other thing… to instantly squelch an unwelcome advance, just give him that, “I SAID I have a headache…” look.

But be careful, or you’ll repel all potential suitors within range of the blast.  

Fail-safe First Meeting:

Whether your initial engagement with "your" man is in a grocery store, at a funeral, or anywhere else… just remember these two sentences:

1) "That's interesting." and 2) "And then what happened?"

Everybody's favorite subject, especially successful men, is themselves. So whenever, or wherever you meet your quarry for the first time, prime the conversation by asking him a question, "What do you do?", "Do you know anyone here?", "Did the deceased owe you money too?"... Any question will do to get him talking.

The first time he pauses, say "That's interesting."

At the next break, "And then what happened"

Alter your voice inflections appropriately, and you can ask, "And then what happened?" at least twice, one more if you toss an, "Oh my God!" in there.

Here's the important part... After no more than 5 minutes, ask the time, tell him you enjoyed meeting him, then excuse yourself, and leave without looking back.

Now your man thinks he's watching the most interesting woman in the room walk out of his life forever ...(and he's right!)

If he doesn't ask you for your number now, he will seek you out later.

If not, then he's obviously not the man you thought he was!

Note: Please do not couple, "Oh my God!" with, "That's interesting." or you will leave the opposite impression.