Where's my car?

I'm a frequent business traveler, and here's what I don't understand. No matter what time my flight departs, I have to hunt forever for a parking place. Yet, no matter what time my flight returns,I walk by dozens of empty parking spaces on the way to my car.

Or where I thought my car was... I've "lost" it more than once... "Dammit!" Then I start nonchalantly ambling around the parking lot... you know, like I just happen to be taking a stroll, not looking for anything in particular, certainly not my car. People that I remember from the shuttle that have already found their vehicles drive up to help me find mine, "No,no, thanks, it's right over there... just giving my legs a little stretch" or... "Thanks anyway...I love walking in a gentle sleet."

Advantages of ADD

More and more adults are being diagnosed with ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder. There's been a lot of negative press written about it. But, ADD does have it's advantages.

People with ADD have the ability to multi-task. Which means they can do a lot of things at the same time. But, they also procrastinate. Which means that they can do a lot of things at the same time…later.

To folks with ADD, the Latin term, “carpe diem” means, “seize tomorrow!”

Some ADD patients have an inability to focus on the task at hand…eyeglasses help.

People with ADD are disorganized. But they save a lot of time that would otherwise be wasted making plans.

It’s not unusual for ADD patients to start talking about one subject, switch topics in mid-sentence, drop several rapid-fire ideas in succession, then bring it all back together to a close with the original subject.

Take for example, the “USA Today” newspaper. Shouldn’t they call it, “USA Yesterday?”

Breaking news, the FDA has just approved the latest, high tech “escape” drug, the temporary amnesia pill.

Addiction is impossible because users can’t remember why they can't remember...

And the 2nd Amendment is always in the news, “The right to bear arms.” It’s such a stupid thing to argue about. The right to bear arms is practically a birthright…especially here in the South. I don’t know about you, but nobody is going to tell me, whether I can or can’t wear a short-sleeve shirt!

Let me conclude by saying that ADD does have a lot of life enhancing advantages; but only if it's managed properly. So, if you think you may have ADD, don't let it go untreated.

Take immediate action and call your health care professional RIGHT NOW!

That was a test... if you just picked up your phone to make the call... stop!  You don’t have a thing to worry about.

Otherwise, just do it tomorrow!

Evolution versus Intelligent Design

Evolution versus Intelligent Design…
What difference does it make anyway?

It don’t…which makes it just as much a hot topic amongst the regular grade scholars as well as us intellectuals.

Biblically speaking, here’s my revelation.What if evolution is part of the intelligent design?

Why stop with evolution. We might as well go on and mosh the “big bang” theory in there to boot. Somebody had to light the fuse, didn’t they?

Besides, I ain't never been comfortable with that term, “intelligent design” anyway,

Didn’t God say that he made man in his image?

Well, judging by the health of the arguments made by the folks sittin’ on both sides of this scrap, God might not be as smart as we think He is…

Either that or some of His “images” done the “designing” after the fact and pinned the blame on Him.

Something else, I ain't aiming to be disrespectful to the Almighty, but I don't believe God created everything in a week either.

Of course... he could do if he wanted to!

That ain't the question.

 I reckon anybody important enough to sport a capital pronoun right in the middle of a sentence can do what He wants!

It ain't how he did the blame thing in a week... it's why would He want to!

It ain't like He was running late for a meeting.

God invented time!

If He found Himself running a little short, He could just whip up another batch.

There ain’t no alarm clocks in heaven!

And another thing... God never intended for the Bible to be a bonafide accountin' of the history of the world.

He had to leave something for man to lie about...

And for anybody itching to fight about the Bible, it starts with Genesis.

For a book that ain’t got but fifty pages, Genesis covers a lot of ground, from the creation of everything living or dead in the infinite universe, to populating the Middle East and running the Israelites out of town.

You'd a thought they could've found an easier bunch to tackle than God's chosen people.

Here’s the thing…

When God told Adam and Eve to, “be fruitful and multiply”…they took Him seriously and commenced to begat like crazy through about ten more chapters. And when they petered out, the fruits of their labor continued the tradition they had fertilized a crescent and made a mess of Potamia doing it.

Populatin' the world was a big job, but it got done in record time. Sure the people enjoyed the work, but it was mainly 'cause they hadn't discovered the word, "No" yet.

Noah’s wife invented it when Noah told her he had to go back and pick up that pair of flies he left behind.

When she told him, "No", he asked her, "Why not?",  and then she said, "Because I have a headache."

Don't worry, it didn't make no sense to Noah either... so he went back for the flies.

Well, even though it’s been rumored for thousands of years, it took Einstein and his theory of relativity to actually prove we was all kin for sure.

So there you go! The “evolution” folks, and the “intelligent design” folks doing all the arguing might as well seek some common ground. No good ever come with fighting amongst family!

But, that’s just my opinion.

Dilfer Brainard

An Uncommon Beauty- Letter to Whitney... 16th Birthday

An uncommon beauty, inside and out... the best thing your mom and I ever made together...

You have been a joy to me all of your life. I'm so proud of the young woman you've become, the successes that you have achieved, and the limitless opportunities that the future holds for you.

It's been sixteen years, but I'll never forget the day we met. It was Oct 7th, 1994 in the delivery room of Presbyterian Hospital... The second I held you in my arms, you had my heart forever.

Even as a baby, you had an "old soul" level of intelligence that was (and still is) a constant source of wonderment, not only to your mom and me, but to everyone in your life.

You said some remarkable things as a wobbling toddler,

You were two years old when we had one of my favorite conversations...

"Daddy, does the trees' moving make the wind blow?"

"Honey, I think it's the other way around. But I love the way you think and I love your question for another reason... "

"Why, Daddy?"

"Because for the rest of my life, I will never look at trees moving on a windy day without thinking of you."

And I never have...

Addicted to H

I don't believe that helium should be legalized for use as a recreational drug...
I say not just no, but a thousand times no!

Look at me now, and you'd never guess that I was once hooked on that devil gas...it started innocently enough... but one or two balloons a week turned into a five or six balloon habit, then before long I was crashing strange children's birthday parties, doing Minnie Mouse and Munchkin impressions... I knew I'd hit bottom when paramedics found me in New York City's 5th Avenue, unconscious, on my back, during the Macy's Day Parade... my lips locked around the little toe of the Donald Duck float...
I need to stop now... the memory is too painful.